Be a Square

The pocket square … such a marvelous accessory it is. I’ve long been a proponent of the ‘square, and find it to be one of those things that separate the menswear boys from, well, the menswear men. You need to start agreeing with me on this point.

GQ and other trendy rags have recently made the once-classic ‘square a newly trendy move, and lots of young schmucks are now attempting to wear ‘squares. Few succeed, however, without looking like they’re trying too hard. Or just looking stupid.  And, because Fresh Dressed’s very existence stems from the burning need to provide such individuals with sartorial wisdom, here are a few pointers to make your foray into breast pocket adornment a bit less painful. Just remember the “4 C’s”:

• Color and Class: If you’re a beginner, stick with the simplicity of white. White ‘squares go with everything, and are never, ever inappropriate. After you’ve generally mastered the art of wearing a ‘square, you’ll start to learn when and where a color injection may be appropriate (hint: it’s not OK to match the color of your ‘square to the color of your tie). Until then, stick with white.
• Chaos: Don’t get too worried about the way your ‘square is folded. True style leaders almost always have rumpled, disorganized-looking ‘squares—that’s one of the reasons they’re style leaders. This applies to the “TV fold” (i.e. square fold) and the puff—whatever your choosing, just stuff it in your pocket and roll. And, if you fold your ‘square into neatly-defined multi-points, you’re a d-bag. Or, Al Sharpton.
• Charisma: “Wear your ‘square with flair.” Don’t let any of my arrogant advice scare you away from experimenting—just go and try it out in whatever manner you deem fit. Individuality means a lot; let it show.

So, there’s your quick advice on the ‘square. When executed properly, it’s an instant way to step-up your game. But, go off the reservation, and it’s a recipe for looking like a chump. Give it a shot soon—I hope you succeed— and tell your limp-styled friends where you got your pointers … I know you’ll need to come back for more.

The Jacket Racket

Agnelli's jackets always fit. Yours usually don't.

You can all breathe now. After a long absence, Fresh Dressed is back, ready to offer unsolicited advice and criticism yet again. Although the resuscitation of Fresh Dressed is cause for rejoice, the inspiration for said resuscitation is actually a very sad state of affairs – the fit of (most) men’s tailored jackets. We’ve had a discussion about the basics of trouser fit, so it’s only natural that jacket fit follow suit. This topic could easily fill an entire book, but I’m going to keep this short and to the point. You see, the basics of proper jacket fit are really very simple and don’t require too much explanation. In fact, by the time you’re done reading this you’ll probably start to think even less of yourself than you already do, given the ease with which you could have been looking crisp and fresh for all these years. But you didn’t. You’ve neglected to spring for $50 worth of basic alterations every time you’ve bought a tailored jacket and you’ve been suffering for it. So that’s where Fresh Dressed’s explanation of the basics comes in to save you. Again.

Shoulders:

The fit of a jacket’s shoulders serves as the foundation for the fit of the rest of the jacket. The shoulder is also the only aspect of a jacket that your tailor can’t easily alter. Don’t f**k it up.

All you really need to know is that your jacket’s shoulders should fit cleanly over your own, real shoulders. The seam where the jacket’s sleeve head meets the jacket’s shoulder should fall right at the end of your own shoulder. It shouldn’t extend any further, and it shouldn’t stop short. Ignorant salesmen will often try to put you in a jacket that’s too big in the shoulders – that is, the jacket’s shoulders are too wide and extend past your own shoulders. Don’t fall for it; demand precision.

Sleeves:

The jacket’s sleeve should stop just above your wrist, at the point where your hand pivots. A proper length sleeve should expose ¼ – ½” of shirt cuff when your arms are hanging at your sides. Pay special attention to this moving forward, because you haven’t in the past. Nearly every slob I see on the street is wearing their sleeves too long, often down to their knuckles. What these clowns are acutely unaware of is that a proper length sleeve is one of the details that make all the difference. Set yourself apart.

Collar:

There are two aspects of collar fit that are important. First and foremost, it is essential to make sure your collar hugs your neck. I’ve pointed it out before, but if your collar doesn’t hug your neck you’ll look like President Obama doing his white-tie train-wreck best. Insist, without exception, that there is absolutely no gap between your collar and your neck and you’ll be ok.

The second thing of which to take note is the collar’s length. It’s very common for a wrinkle to develop at the base of the collar along the back of the neck. This is actually caused by incompatibilities between the cut of jacket’s shoulder and the slope of your own shoulders, but I digress. Just make sure your tailor eliminates the unsightly roll and you’ll be money, just like Frank in his perfectly fitted jacket.

Waist:

If you’re reading Fresh Dressed there’s a high probability that you’re a hard partying, hard boozing playboy with a beer gut. Or maybe you’re just fat. No mind how cool the reason for your spare tire, you should take advantage of the tailored jacket’s magic ability to make you look trim again. Make sure to have the sides of your jacket taken-in (“suppressed”) to create the illusion of a trim waist. You won’t want it to be skin tight like some filthy hipster from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, but as long as you can comfortably fit two fingers between your gut and the buttoned coat, you’re good.

Length:

Make sure your jacket is long enough to cover your ass. If it isn’t, take it back to the little boy’s section and find one that is. You are not Thom Browne.

There you go, basic enlightenment. Get these basic areas of fit squared away and you might actually look like you have manners. See how easy that was? And to think, the tailoring fees are sure to set you back less than you typically spend on a Friday night’s entertainment.

Oh Knots!

He has a thing for knots.

One of the things that makes me cringe regularly is an incorrectly chosen tie knot. It’s a shame, too, because its such an easy thing to fix. You need to realize that your collar dictates the knot(s) that you can use. And there are really only a few knots that you should be choosing from:

• Four In Hand – This is the most classic knot there is. It fits neatly into any type – or spread – of collar as well. One of the best things about it is the slight asymmetry, which gives just enough sprezzatura and ensures that you never look like an anal-retentive perfectionist.

 

• Half Windsor – If you’re into wearing wide spread collars this is your knot. It fills up the extra space because it’s a little beefier than other classic knots, but it won’t make you look like a sportscaster. Half Windsor knots are also good if you wear those thinly lined Ferragamo and Hermés jobs that Gordon Gekko wannabes love so much.

 

• Prince Albert – Our friend Prince Albert’s eponymous knot is a bit more narrow and symmetrical than the Four In Hand, making it ideal if you always wear a button-down collar. It’s also the perfect knot if Alex P. Keaton is your idol.

 

Note that all of the classic knots that I’ve just described are relatively discreet. The most commonly seen indiscreet knot is the Windsor (mistakenly referred to as “full” or “double” Windsor). To this knot I say two things: 1) even if your collar is wide enough to accommodate a Windsor knot, it will look either bad or obnoxious 2) this is not Italy. I see Warren Buffet (and lots of young guys who wish they were Warren Buffet) wearing Windsor knots. Our boy may be a perfect example of why value investing is the only way to go, but he’s also a perfect example of why your knot needs to work for your collar.

Pick your knot correctly; you’ll never be the butt of a Joan and Melissa Rivers joke again.

The Living is Easy

Our boy Chuck is always fresh.

The summer is a good time to do things that winter makes uncomfortable. Not only does this mean its warm enough to pass out in a gutter at night (are you reading this QLS?), but it’s also OK to wear lighter weight menswear. Very fresh. There are a number of options for dressing well in the summer and I think we should cover a few basics before you piss all of your skimpy paycheck away on something with little style or shoddy design. We also need to account for the fact that most of us still have relatively small adult wardrobes, and purchases should be made with a nod toward year-around versatility.

First, you should think about lighter shades of year around colors, rather than the obvious tan or cream. Tan and cream-colored suits can look great, but they are pretty much only useful for about 3.5 months a year. You don’t want to be the ass-clown wearing a tan suit at the Christmas party. Instead, get something in light grey or steel blue. Blue and grey are the most versatile colors for any suit, and this includes summer. I am particularly fond of steel blue, which is a lighter shade of navy with some grey mixed in. Women will be all over your ass because you’ll look like a stylish Air Force officer. Just think of all the ways you could respond to that skinny little brunette in the next cube calling you “fly boy.”

Secondly, be hip to the material you pick. Cotton suits can be very cool in a rumpled sort of way, but they also have drawbacks. For one thing, they are not nearly as durable as wool. Don’t plan on a cotton suit looking presentable enough for work any longer than a typical pair of khakis. For me, that’s only about two summers. If you buy a cotton suit, make sure it is a something cheap that you won’t care about. Sales are the best source for cotton suits, since finding tailored clothes that are simultaneously cheap enough to dispose of, and well cut will be very tough. Keep in mind, also, that wool comes in hundreds of light weight varieties. Don’t assume that a wool suit will be too hot for the summer, because a light weight fresco or basic worsted won’t be.

Finally, think about wearing things other than suits during the summer. Since summer is inherently more casual, you can get away with much more. A light weight navy blazer is a wise investment for the summer since it can be worn with nearly any odd trousers that you choose. It will look equally fresh with tan, mid grey, and light grey trousers if you are a Republican. And white or red trousers if you are an asshole. Trousers aren’t too expensive, either, so you can make multiple outfits for barely more than the price of one suit.

Stay fresh.

(Semi-) Formal Season

 

You’ll never look this cool.

Wedding season is approaching quickly. If you are between the ages of 25 and 32 that means one of four things:

 1. You are participating in your own nuptials this summer;

 2. You are participating in your friends’ nuptials;

 3. You are attending your friends’ nuptials; or

 4. You are embarrassing yourself by getting sloppy and looking sloppy at said nuptials.

Numbers 1 – 3 may each be an unfortunate inevitability for most us, but number 4 doesn’t have to be. At least not the part about looking sloppy. You are likely to need a proper tuxedo at some point.

Before I outline the “correct” details of a tux, let’s clarify the tuxedo’s place in a modern wardrobe. When you see “semi-formal” written on an invitation it means you are supposed to wear a tuxedo. In recent, slovenly times, the term “semi-formal” has come to connote baggy chinos and a Cheez Whiz-stained polo shirt. If you are going to be technically correct, however, semi-formal is the code word for black-tie (“formal” means that the intended attire is white tie). Your friends are stupid, so the host is unlikely to follow the rules – you should call to clarify their intentions.

If black-tie is the plan, you’ll need some guidance. My first piece of advice is to purchase your tuxedo. You are getting older now and you will find use for it increasingly often. Each time you rent a tux you are essentially taking out an $150 insurance policy to guarantee that you look like an a-hole. Even a cheap tuxedo will pay for itself in two wearings. You’d be well advised to purchase one under my keen tutelage.

What should that tux look like? Good question. … The last thing you want to do is to show-up looking like a high-schooler or a Hollywood rooky. Here are a few guidelines for a classic semi-formal rig:

Coat:

• 1 button closure. Period.
• Peak lapel or shawl collar. If you want to look like this dork get a notch lapel. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.
• Non- or dual-vented. Non-vented is the traditional choice, but it usually looks terrible in practice so dual-venting is acceptable. Center-venting is not acceptable.

Trousers:

• Flat fronts and pleats are both acceptable. If you choose pleats, forward pleats are ideal.
• Cuffs are never acceptable. Cuffs are for country clothing. Tuxedos do not count as country clothing.
• Plain waistband (no belt loop) with side tabs or adjusters. Trendy grosgrain waistband coverings should be avoided.

Accessories:

• Your waist must be covered. Period. This means either a cummerbund or a vest. Whichever you choose, it should be the same color as your tuxedo (black or midnight blue). Vests should be low-cut with three buttons.
• A bow tie is the only acceptable neckwear. Straight ties are popular in Hollywood right now, but they look incredibly ignorant. Get a real black bow-tie – the kind that you need to tie yourself. Pre-tied bow-ties are for clowns and liberals.
• Shoes should either be plain-toe balmorals or pumps. Patent leather, velvet, and even highly polished calf are all fine. Wearing square-toed, rubber-soled shoes from Aldo will get you removed from the event.
• Your shirt should have either a wing or turn-down collar. It will obviously be white, and French cuffs are absolutely mandatory. Formal and semi-formal shirts should never have a pocket. You may choose either pleat-front (“Swiss pleats”) or plain-front styles as long as the shirt has provisions for studs or a concealed placket.

There you have it: a basic run-down of semi-formal wedding attire. The odds are you will never be asked to attend a true “formal,” white-tie event. In that case, you would need to wear a morning suit or tails. Highly unlikely. Knowing the rules for a tuxedo – and knowing how to decipher an invitation – should do you well enough. Unfortunately it’s difficult to find a tux that meets the classic criteria; most manufacturers have given-in to poorly-informed bourgeois tastes. A solid made-to-measure (MTM) program may be your best investment. Go buy a classic tuxedo for your next wedding or important event. I have a bunch of weddings this summer; I’m going to as well.

Tailors: Just for Jerks?

They saw an alterations tailor prior to the hearing. Clearly.

The most important single quality that your good clothes need to posses is good fit. Even the most expensive garments will make you look like Barney Frank if they don’t fit properly. Work with a proper tailor to achieve proper fit unless you get everything custom made. Not a seamstress at the local cleaners, but a real alterations professional.

It can be difficult for the un-initiated to figure out exactly which of the local needle-and-thread set are the real deal, and which are downright scam artists. Here are a few pointers for finding a good alterations shop:

~     Go to the best men’s shop in the area and ask for a recommendation. Trust their opinion as long as they don’t automatically recommend their own tailor.

~     Go to the best hotel in town if you aren’t knowledgeable enough to determine which men’s stores in your area are the real deal. Almost anyone can tell a classy hotel from a flea-trap, and in a big city all you need to do is look for a place like the Ritz Carlton or the Four Seasons. Ask the concierge where the hotel sends its alterations work; odds are it is a trusted tailor.

~     Visit the tailor in question and have a look around: What type of clients do they serve? Are there any write-ups or articles from trusted sources hanging on the walls that indicate the tailor is locally respected? Ask the tailor about their background; both of the alterations tailors I use are bench tailors by trade. Check to see that he actually does most of the work, and that the helpers in back only do simple jobs (this is critical).

~     Ask someone like me if you can. I clearly know what I’m talking about.

Don’t be afraid to use your tailor once you locate him. It goes with out saying that basic jobs like trouser hems will always need adjustment off the rack. Don’t forget there are many other jobs a trusted tailor can do that will make your clothes fit more properly. Have the waist of your coat taken in to add more shape (~ $30). Have the coat sleeves slimmed-down so they aren’t so floppy (~ $40). Have the tailor make sure the back of your collar lies perfectly smooth and tight around your neck (~ $30-50). Have your shirts tapered to hug your beer gut and flabby arms (~ $20). Hell, have your girlfriend get her dress taken in so it makes her chest look bigger than it really is (~ Priceless). The list goes on.

My list of three pet peeves that a tailor can easily fix (drum roll for all you a-holes that are guilty of these – you know who you are):

3. Collars gapping (your collar should hug your neck, not stand a foot away. Have a look at Obama’s “ensemble” at the inaugural ball)

2. Trousers puddling around your ankles (both men and women are seriously guilty of this – read my article on britches)

1. Coat sleeves too long (they should stop exactly at your wrist. NOT your knuckles, skippy.)

I hope this teaches you a lesson. I want to puke sometimes when I see someone who has dropped a few hundred dollars on a suit and was too stupid to have it fit. Those guys look seriously trifling. Be a man and make them feel badly about themselves. Make friends with a tailor.

Brush the dirt off your shoulder…

Use it.

Over-use of dry cleaning services is ignorant.  There is no faster way to ruin tailored clothing than to dry clean it.  Dry cleaning is necessary when spills and stains happen, but it is rarely required outside of those circumstances. Over-dry cleaning results in un-pleasant degradation of wool and shine on your clothes. Don’t do it unless you have to. 

The better solution is to regularly brush your clothes with a proper clothes brush. A good brushing before and after wear ensures that dust and dirt don’t get a chance to grind into your garment’s fabric, helping your clothes to last longer and look better. Kent is the manufacturer of choice for clothing brushes. At approximately $20 on eBay, they are the deal of the century.

Brushing your tailored clothes will allow you to avoid the shoddy dry-cleaning that you may be subject to otherwise. If you must dry clean your clothes, find an appropriate cleaner. In D.C. there are only two respectable cleaners  that can truly be trusted– American Valet and Parkway Custom Cleaners.

A brief lesson, but an important lesson. Dry cleaning is for bush-leaguers. Do like Jay-Z does and get brushin’; as my friend Dirtball would say, “It’s the way forward.”

Button Logic

I present to you the "SAN" rule

Today we discuss coat buttoning. The defining characteristic of a (suit or sports) coat is the number of buttons it has on the front. There are other important stylistic details, but none carry the weight of the button layout. In fact, when you describe a coat, you describe it by how many buttons it has – “Hand me that two button coat over there, will ‘Ya, Stan? You tool.” 

By the way, today we are discussing single-breasted coats. Double-breasted coats will receive dedicated attention in a future installment. Any single-breasted coat fit to wear has either one, two, or three buttons. Four and five buttons are only acceptable if you are a television sports analyst bent on displaying bad taste. And yes, Michael Irvin looks like joker. Also keep in mind that your coat should remain buttoned anytime you are standing. Walking around with your coat undone makes you look like a slob unless you are very good-looking and have reached an advanced level of freshness. Like me. Let’s take a closer look at each of the acceptable options: 

One button – The one button coat is most commonly seen on a tuxedo. (In fact, a proper single-breasted tux should be a single button model. Multi-button tuxedos should be saved for the pre-schoolers in your life.) One button coats are also common in the bespoke world, and are a default stylistic choice at many Savile Row firms. I’ve also seen more and more one button coats in the department stores recently, turning up on moderately priced business suits. 

The advantage of the one button style is that it makes you appear to be taller. The single button allows quit a bit of shirt to show, and creates a long “V” shape above the closure that adds visual height to your appearance. As I see it, the only real disadvantage to one button coats in a business context is their relative rarity in the U.S. You may inadvertently give others the impression that you are a snooty, unqualified, over-paid consultant since they assume your coat is custom-made. 

Two button – Two button coats never go out of style and are always acceptable (other than on a tuxedo, of course). The two button style is a nice compromise between one button and three button styles as it captures the advantages of both together in one place. A two button coat creates a “V” of exposed shirt nearly as long as that of a one button coat while providing just enough extra fabric to ensure that you are always properly conservative. This is handy should you have to do something mundane like ring the closing bell at the NYSE on the day your IPO hits. Two button coats have no disadvantages; almost all of my coats are two button. 

Three button – Three button coats have enjoyed varying levels of popularity over the years in the U.S. Generally, they are sufficiently fresh if you know how to use the various sub-styles that three button coats offer:

• The “Hard (or High) Roll” – This style was popular with Ross Gellar. It is characterized by a very short lapel that stops immediately above the top button, which is placed relatively high up. While it is much better than a four button coat, I see two big disadvantages to this style (even though I admit I still have one in my rotation). 1) This style creates a very small “V” shape above the closure. If you are short, the relative lack of “V” will enhance your lack of height. 2) For the same reason this style makes you look like a walking bolt of fabric if you are big like Arnold Schwarzenegger – there’s just so much fabric. Button either the middle button alone, or the top and middle buttons. 
• The “3/2 Sack” – This is the style of coat that your grandfather wore in the 50s and 60s. The lapel is rolled completely over the top button (notice the way the top button hole is actually in the lapel) and is not intended to be buttoned. These coats also usually come without darts, which means that they are fuller through the chest. This is still the coat of choice for dudes from Ivy league schools and wannabe prepsters. Button only the middle button. 
• The “3/2.5” – The 3/2.5 is half way between the Hard Roll and the 3/2 Sack. It is by far the freshest three button style. Slick Italians wear these often. Note the way that the lapel rolls almost to the middle button, but is not pressed as hard as the 3/2/ Sack. Rather, it is nicely rolled. If Sinatra were alive today and wanted to wear a three button coat, it would surely be a 3/2.5. Button only the middle button. 

Just remember the “SAN” rule and you’ll never again look like a tool. Button-up fresh.

Egregious Offences: Looking Like You’re 14

If you haven’t been able to ascertain, 60% of FD’s mission is to school you. Commuting on the Metro provides plenty of opportunities to see rat-race types make sartorial offences. Although most of these offences could be labeled as train wrecks, I can usually control myself. But when I see guys wearing a tie and no coat I have to do everything in my power not to jack the guy’s jaw.

You see, there is no quicker way to make yourself look like you’re headed to a high school dance than to wear a tie without a coat. If you wear a tie without a coat, you WILL look like a clueless dumb-ass. I mean seriously, are you really so much of a slob that you can’t be bothered with taking 5 seconds to put on a coat? Don’t you at least own a blazer (“blazer” generally means a navy coat with high contrast – usually gold – buttons, by the way. That shiny gray number your girlfriend Daisy bought you for your birthday – the one with 10% elastane content – isn’t a blazer, it’s a sports coat)? If you’re not wearing a tie, don’t sweat it. No coat needed. But if you are wearing a tie grow up.

Sorry if I’m starting to sound obnoxious. Please wear a coat with your tie; you’re not 14 anymore. Maybe you’ll actually get a bonus this year.

Takin’ it to the People

Rod's official Congresional head shot

Although FD remains focused on offering useful advice to slovenly young professionals, we will inevitably stray from that path. Frequently in fact. Today, the first in a series profiling some of my favorite individuals. Stylish, morally bankrupt politicians. First up, our boy Rod Blagojevich.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, or on a bender, for the last few months, Blago is that ex-Illinois governor that tried to sell Obama’s former Senate seat. Blago thought that he could exchange the seat for a high paying job amongst other things. In the process, taped telephone conversations with language more foul than Hank Paulson’s proved just what a class-act our boy really is.

But here’s the kicker: Blagojevich is fresh dressed. Not many politicians know how to suit-up like Blago. He is known to wear suits by Chicago’s very own Oxxford Clothes, some of the finest mass-produced garments ever to come out of America. His suits always fit perfectly, and he wears nice clean shirt and tie combos. Total refinement. Indeed, some lucky fool on StyleForum recently found one of Rod’s Oxxfords in a thrift store. What a lucky SOB; if I had that suit I’d mount it on my wall in a glass case. Blago even likes clothes so much he handed out a job to an Oxxford employee.

Let’s admit, though, Blagojevich’s crowning stylistic achievement (pun intended) is his insanely righteous hair. Not even Elvis had hair like this. I’ll admit, when the whole Senate-seat-for-sale scandal broke I tried to grow my hair exactly like Blago’s. Unfortunately my boss caught wind and made me shut it down. I cried that night.

Rod is a rare breed in the political world; he exercises un-impeachable taste in everything he does. A true American.