(Semi-) Formal Season

 

You’ll never look this cool.

Wedding season is approaching quickly. If you are between the ages of 25 and 32 that means one of four things:

 1. You are participating in your own nuptials this summer;

 2. You are participating in your friends’ nuptials;

 3. You are attending your friends’ nuptials; or

 4. You are embarrassing yourself by getting sloppy and looking sloppy at said nuptials.

Numbers 1 – 3 may each be an unfortunate inevitability for most us, but number 4 doesn’t have to be. At least not the part about looking sloppy. You are likely to need a proper tuxedo at some point.

Before I outline the “correct” details of a tux, let’s clarify the tuxedo’s place in a modern wardrobe. When you see “semi-formal” written on an invitation it means you are supposed to wear a tuxedo. In recent, slovenly times, the term “semi-formal” has come to connote baggy chinos and a Cheez Whiz-stained polo shirt. If you are going to be technically correct, however, semi-formal is the code word for black-tie (“formal” means that the intended attire is white tie). Your friends are stupid, so the host is unlikely to follow the rules – you should call to clarify their intentions.

If black-tie is the plan, you’ll need some guidance. My first piece of advice is to purchase your tuxedo. You are getting older now and you will find use for it increasingly often. Each time you rent a tux you are essentially taking out an $150 insurance policy to guarantee that you look like an a-hole. Even a cheap tuxedo will pay for itself in two wearings. You’d be well advised to purchase one under my keen tutelage.

What should that tux look like? Good question. … The last thing you want to do is to show-up looking like a high-schooler or a Hollywood rooky. Here are a few guidelines for a classic semi-formal rig:

Coat:

• 1 button closure. Period.
• Peak lapel or shawl collar. If you want to look like this dork get a notch lapel. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.
• Non- or dual-vented. Non-vented is the traditional choice, but it usually looks terrible in practice so dual-venting is acceptable. Center-venting is not acceptable.

Trousers:

• Flat fronts and pleats are both acceptable. If you choose pleats, forward pleats are ideal.
• Cuffs are never acceptable. Cuffs are for country clothing. Tuxedos do not count as country clothing.
• Plain waistband (no belt loop) with side tabs or adjusters. Trendy grosgrain waistband coverings should be avoided.

Accessories:

• Your waist must be covered. Period. This means either a cummerbund or a vest. Whichever you choose, it should be the same color as your tuxedo (black or midnight blue). Vests should be low-cut with three buttons.
• A bow tie is the only acceptable neckwear. Straight ties are popular in Hollywood right now, but they look incredibly ignorant. Get a real black bow-tie – the kind that you need to tie yourself. Pre-tied bow-ties are for clowns and liberals.
• Shoes should either be plain-toe balmorals or pumps. Patent leather, velvet, and even highly polished calf are all fine. Wearing square-toed, rubber-soled shoes from Aldo will get you removed from the event.
• Your shirt should have either a wing or turn-down collar. It will obviously be white, and French cuffs are absolutely mandatory. Formal and semi-formal shirts should never have a pocket. You may choose either pleat-front (“Swiss pleats”) or plain-front styles as long as the shirt has provisions for studs or a concealed placket.

There you have it: a basic run-down of semi-formal wedding attire. The odds are you will never be asked to attend a true “formal,” white-tie event. In that case, you would need to wear a morning suit or tails. Highly unlikely. Knowing the rules for a tuxedo – and knowing how to decipher an invitation – should do you well enough. Unfortunately it’s difficult to find a tux that meets the classic criteria; most manufacturers have given-in to poorly-informed bourgeois tastes. A solid made-to-measure (MTM) program may be your best investment. Go buy a classic tuxedo for your next wedding or important event. I have a bunch of weddings this summer; I’m going to as well.