Be a Square

The pocket square … such a marvelous accessory it is. I’ve long been a proponent of the ‘square, and find it to be one of those things that separate the menswear boys from, well, the menswear men. You need to start agreeing with me on this point.

GQ and other trendy rags have recently made the once-classic ‘square a newly trendy move, and lots of young schmucks are now attempting to wear ‘squares. Few succeed, however, without looking like they’re trying too hard. Or just looking stupid.  And, because Fresh Dressed’s very existence stems from the burning need to provide such individuals with sartorial wisdom, here are a few pointers to make your foray into breast pocket adornment a bit less painful. Just remember the “4 C’s”:

• Color and Class: If you’re a beginner, stick with the simplicity of white. White ‘squares go with everything, and are never, ever inappropriate. After you’ve generally mastered the art of wearing a ‘square, you’ll start to learn when and where a color injection may be appropriate (hint: it’s not OK to match the color of your ‘square to the color of your tie). Until then, stick with white.
• Chaos: Don’t get too worried about the way your ‘square is folded. True style leaders almost always have rumpled, disorganized-looking ‘squares—that’s one of the reasons they’re style leaders. This applies to the “TV fold” (i.e. square fold) and the puff—whatever your choosing, just stuff it in your pocket and roll. And, if you fold your ‘square into neatly-defined multi-points, you’re a d-bag. Or, Al Sharpton.
• Charisma: “Wear your ‘square with flair.” Don’t let any of my arrogant advice scare you away from experimenting—just go and try it out in whatever manner you deem fit. Individuality means a lot; let it show.

So, there’s your quick advice on the ‘square. When executed properly, it’s an instant way to step-up your game. But, go off the reservation, and it’s a recipe for looking like a chump. Give it a shot soon—I hope you succeed— and tell your limp-styled friends where you got your pointers … I know you’ll need to come back for more.

The Jacket Racket

Agnelli's jackets always fit. Yours usually don't.

You can all breathe now. After a long absence, Fresh Dressed is back, ready to offer unsolicited advice and criticism yet again. Although the resuscitation of Fresh Dressed is cause for rejoice, the inspiration for said resuscitation is actually a very sad state of affairs – the fit of (most) men’s tailored jackets. We’ve had a discussion about the basics of trouser fit, so it’s only natural that jacket fit follow suit. This topic could easily fill an entire book, but I’m going to keep this short and to the point. You see, the basics of proper jacket fit are really very simple and don’t require too much explanation. In fact, by the time you’re done reading this you’ll probably start to think even less of yourself than you already do, given the ease with which you could have been looking crisp and fresh for all these years. But you didn’t. You’ve neglected to spring for $50 worth of basic alterations every time you’ve bought a tailored jacket and you’ve been suffering for it. So that’s where Fresh Dressed’s explanation of the basics comes in to save you. Again.

Shoulders:

The fit of a jacket’s shoulders serves as the foundation for the fit of the rest of the jacket. The shoulder is also the only aspect of a jacket that your tailor can’t easily alter. Don’t f**k it up.

All you really need to know is that your jacket’s shoulders should fit cleanly over your own, real shoulders. The seam where the jacket’s sleeve head meets the jacket’s shoulder should fall right at the end of your own shoulder. It shouldn’t extend any further, and it shouldn’t stop short. Ignorant salesmen will often try to put you in a jacket that’s too big in the shoulders – that is, the jacket’s shoulders are too wide and extend past your own shoulders. Don’t fall for it; demand precision.

Sleeves:

The jacket’s sleeve should stop just above your wrist, at the point where your hand pivots. A proper length sleeve should expose ¼ – ½” of shirt cuff when your arms are hanging at your sides. Pay special attention to this moving forward, because you haven’t in the past. Nearly every slob I see on the street is wearing their sleeves too long, often down to their knuckles. What these clowns are acutely unaware of is that a proper length sleeve is one of the details that make all the difference. Set yourself apart.

Collar:

There are two aspects of collar fit that are important. First and foremost, it is essential to make sure your collar hugs your neck. I’ve pointed it out before, but if your collar doesn’t hug your neck you’ll look like President Obama doing his white-tie train-wreck best. Insist, without exception, that there is absolutely no gap between your collar and your neck and you’ll be ok.

The second thing of which to take note is the collar’s length. It’s very common for a wrinkle to develop at the base of the collar along the back of the neck. This is actually caused by incompatibilities between the cut of jacket’s shoulder and the slope of your own shoulders, but I digress. Just make sure your tailor eliminates the unsightly roll and you’ll be money, just like Frank in his perfectly fitted jacket.

Waist:

If you’re reading Fresh Dressed there’s a high probability that you’re a hard partying, hard boozing playboy with a beer gut. Or maybe you’re just fat. No mind how cool the reason for your spare tire, you should take advantage of the tailored jacket’s magic ability to make you look trim again. Make sure to have the sides of your jacket taken-in (“suppressed”) to create the illusion of a trim waist. You won’t want it to be skin tight like some filthy hipster from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, but as long as you can comfortably fit two fingers between your gut and the buttoned coat, you’re good.

Length:

Make sure your jacket is long enough to cover your ass. If it isn’t, take it back to the little boy’s section and find one that is. You are not Thom Browne.

There you go, basic enlightenment. Get these basic areas of fit squared away and you might actually look like you have manners. See how easy that was? And to think, the tailoring fees are sure to set you back less than you typically spend on a Friday night’s entertainment.

Oh Knots!

He has a thing for knots.

One of the things that makes me cringe regularly is an incorrectly chosen tie knot. It’s a shame, too, because its such an easy thing to fix. You need to realize that your collar dictates the knot(s) that you can use. And there are really only a few knots that you should be choosing from:

• Four In Hand – This is the most classic knot there is. It fits neatly into any type – or spread – of collar as well. One of the best things about it is the slight asymmetry, which gives just enough sprezzatura and ensures that you never look like an anal-retentive perfectionist.

 

• Half Windsor – If you’re into wearing wide spread collars this is your knot. It fills up the extra space because it’s a little beefier than other classic knots, but it won’t make you look like a sportscaster. Half Windsor knots are also good if you wear those thinly lined Ferragamo and Hermés jobs that Gordon Gekko wannabes love so much.

 

• Prince Albert – Our friend Prince Albert’s eponymous knot is a bit more narrow and symmetrical than the Four In Hand, making it ideal if you always wear a button-down collar. It’s also the perfect knot if Alex P. Keaton is your idol.

 

Note that all of the classic knots that I’ve just described are relatively discreet. The most commonly seen indiscreet knot is the Windsor (mistakenly referred to as “full” or “double” Windsor). To this knot I say two things: 1) even if your collar is wide enough to accommodate a Windsor knot, it will look either bad or obnoxious 2) this is not Italy. I see Warren Buffet (and lots of young guys who wish they were Warren Buffet) wearing Windsor knots. Our boy may be a perfect example of why value investing is the only way to go, but he’s also a perfect example of why your knot needs to work for your collar.

Pick your knot correctly; you’ll never be the butt of a Joan and Melissa Rivers joke again.